Archive for the ‘Four-Legged Family’ Category


The first picture of Emma with me.


Taken about two years ago before Emma’s health started going downhill.

2013-12-01 15.39.03

One of the last pictures of Emma…taken about three months ago.

A little over twelve years ago I set up a meeting to see a little white Boxer puppy.  I had seen pictures online and talked to the owner on the telephone.  In the pictures the tiny female puppy was healthy looking and seemed to be enjoying the great outdoors with her owner.   My daughter, granddaughter and I drove at least fifty miles out in the boonies to see the puppy and very likely bring her home.

When we got to our destination and met the puppy that had been depicted via email as a healthy pup, there was little similarity.  The pictures showed a healthy, bouncy puppy.  The real thing was emaciated, listless and undoubtedly drugged.  My first and continued reaction was anger.  The puppy was starving and showed no sign of being happy to see us.  Anyone who knows Boxers knows a Boxer cannot contain its excitement.  Their entire body wags.  They are so happy to be Boxers and always glad to meet a new friend.

The deal was I would buy a healthy Boxer puppy for $250.00.  That’s a good deal.  I was so conflicted.  The puppy was far from healthy, but she was precious all the same.  Bless her heart, you could count EVERY rib and her little hip bones protruded. Her skin hung loose on her little body.  I was certain she was destined for sure death if I left her, but I felt really foolish paying the wicked owner anything for the poor creature.  It was impossible to turn my back, leave the sick, tiny puppy and walk away.  I paid the woman and bit my tongue during the transaction.  I should have immediately called an animal rescue and reported her.  I regret not doing that still today.

The woman showed us her other puppies…The small breeds were in tiny cages…stacked in a back room of her house.  In the back yard there were no less than fifty medium to large dog breeds in pens…all popular breeds…all breeding bitches and stud dogs and the puppies they produced.  She ran a puppy mill.  Because a white Boxer is considered a cull, she had no buyer…she was not feeding her.  Had I not brought the sick unnamed puppy home, she would have starved to death.  I wanted to kick the woman’s butt, but instead  I swaddled the limp puppy, cuddled her close, paid the ransom to free her and took her home.

The next day I took her to the vet.  She had not eaten since I brought her home, because she had been so heavily drugged. The vet checked her out really good and told me if she lived for more than a couple of days, I would be lucky.  She was still unresponsive and limp.  I bought supplements to entice her to eat and slowly she did.  She began to thrive, and I named her Emma.

Once the drugs wore off, Emma was famished.  I think she never forgot starving, because she always ate like she was afraid there would be no more food.

Emma did not like women…except my oldest daughter, granddaughter and me for the longest time.  I’m pretty sure she made an exception for us, because we rescued her from the evil one.  It took months to socialize her to be civil around strange women.  No doubt she was treated terribly by the woman who starved her.

Emma really had a rough start in life, but it did not take her long to fit into our family and become a well-adjusted puppy.  She fit right in with our first Boxer Maggie, and when Bubba our Great Dane came along they were a famous trio.  We jokingly called them “the triplets”.

My husband’s fondest memory of our Triplets is the was they took care of him, never leaving his side when he had surgery on his shoulder.  Emma was a good dog.


Emma was a good dog.  She was obedient and willing to please.  She was smart and loved to play.  She added joy to my husband and my lives.  She was my oldest daughter’s favorite sister dog.

This morning at 8:15 Emma took her last breath.  Her health had declined over the past couple of months.  The happy dog she had been for years rapidly disappeared.  Most of her time was spent sleeping.  Last week she seemed to get a second wind.  She was playful and made her sentry walks around our place.  The second wind did not last long and it was time to go.

Yesterday I told her it was ok for her to leave us.  I told her I would miss her…that I loved her, but I knew she was tired and did not feel good.  We took a walk in the evening.  When Emma came inside she went to her bed and she never got up again.  She just quietly let go of life.  Allen, Bella and I were with her when she drew her last breath.

We placed Emma in the ground beside Bubba and Maggie.  We thanked God for Emma and the time we had with her.  I told Him I hope Bishop, Bubba and Maggie are waiting for her…that they would all be in Heaven when we get there.  There is comfort in that thought.

Emma was a good dog.  We were blessed to have her in our family for the time she was here.  I would love to see her happy and healthy again one day.  She is already greatly missed.

Until next time…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8




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It’s been a while since I posted a row of my Dad’s beautiful embroidery work, and I don’t want it to fall by the wayside and not get done.  Today I am sharing row 4.





New Mexico…








In a couple of the pictures I see the quilting stitching I did when I put this quilt together for my dear dad…O how I wish I could redo it.  My stitching does not compare well to Dad’s.  Hopefully it has improved reasonably since I quilted it.

This morning Bella, my German Shepherd puppy, had a scheduled appointment with our vet.  She was spayed and is waking up from the anesthesia.  When I dropped her off I went in the back with the receptionist to put her in the holding cell, oops, I mean, cage.  There were several other dogs (and a cat) in the room waiting for their appointed surgery.  I went to each door speaking to them…they were all friendly and so glad for human contact.  One especially caught my eye and captured my heart…it was instant.  Her name is Sheba.  She is six months old (same as Bella) and is 3/4 chocolate lab and 1/4 pit.  The receptionist told me Sheba was up for adoption.  The lady who originally had her was unable to give her the attention she needed.  Sheba had been an inside dog…kennel trained…and is very sweet.  I went home and told my husband about her.  We went back to the vet’s office together and spent some time with Sheba.  Sheba came home with us.  Our Emma (10 year old Boxer) likes her.  Sheba (we plan on changing her name, but to what, I do not know, is much calmer than Bella.  If she and Bella get along well, she will stay.  I so hope so…I think they will make great sisters.

extra day one

Until next time…

Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your
joy may be full.  (John 16:24)

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Once again days have turned into weeks since my last post.  My dear husband and I took a trip to north Arkansas for a few days for a little rest and relaxation.  While we were visiting that part of the country we had the pleasure of visiting with my crazy quilting, online friend Hollie and her husband Mark. (picture of Hollie and me in the post before this one)  When we returned home we needed a few more days of rest and relaxation to revive from the road trip…If you are over fifty, you know what I’m talking about.

When we went out of town we left our dogs at home with our oldest daughter.  They love her dearly, and we never have to worry about them when they are in her care.  Our Great Dane started getting very finicky about eating while we were gone this time, and when we returned things went downhill from there.  We were hoping he was just being sensitive, because we left him and he would soon return to normal.   His hips had been getting bad for a while.  He showed signs of old age.  I’ve seen the “handwriting on the wall” for several months.  On Tuesday of last week he completely stopped eating.  Nothing I offered him would entice him to eat.   On Monday of this week we called our vet in to euthanize him.  He was beginning to show signs of suffering, and we had to gulp up the courage to do what was best for him.  Hence…the broken heart.  Bubba was a great dog and will be missed greatly.


Moving on to crazy hearts…Late last week a crazy quilting friend’s husband passed away.  My words are not adequate for expressing the sorrow I feel for her loss.  I’ve never walked that mile…I can only imagine the pain she is feeling.  This heart will be embellished with her in mind, and I will send it to her.  Hopefully I’ll have it completed and ready to go by weekend’s end.


The next heart is for a one on one heart swap…just because.   I constructed it a little bit bottom heavy and have not decided how I will handle that.


Speaking of one on one swaps…My friend Pam and I have entered into a one on one block swap.  We chose an 8 inch block.  Each of us made a naked block and exchanged them to embellish and return home.

Here is the one Pam sent to me.  She dyed all the fabrics herself.  Aren’t they lovely.   The colors are vibrant…brights are her favorite.

Pam's block one on one

The block I sent to her is made of fabrics in far more muted colors…The trim along the edge of the curved patch was salvaged from a thrift store pillow case.  I call this block “two friends” because of the silkie I used for the anchor patch.

Pam Gonzalez - one on one

Last but not least, I worked on the final block I will angel stitch for in the World Wide Crazy Quilting encrusted RR.  The block belonged to Carol.  For my part I stitched the vine on the long blue patch, added stitching to the existing stitching on the anchor patch, and added the spider web and spider.  I tried a different web-making technique and have not decided if I like it as well as couching the web.

Carol's block

Before I go I want to announce my next giveaway.  Robbie Fields has generously offered to share two sets of her Creative Stitchery Success Strips to be given away one set at a time on my blog.   I will be featuring her success strips in a post very soon (or as soon as I can manage to get another post ready).  I recently bought a set of these strips from Robbie after hearing about them from several of my very accomplished stitching friends.  I’m so glad I did, because they make it so simple to space my embroidery stitches evenly and give them a more professional look. That’s a big plus when stitching compound-stitch, seam treatments.   I think every crazy quilter should have a set of these great stitching tools, and I have to wonder why I waited so long to buy them.  Click on the link and see how affordable they are.

Just for the record, I am hosting this giveaway because I really like the strips.  Robbie did not ask me to.  Only after I asked her if she minded if I featured her strips on my blog and told her I wanted to give a set away did she offer to furnish the sets.  I appreciate her generosity.  I expect nothing in return for hosting the giveaway.  It is my intention to share a wonderful stitching tool with those who are not aware of it.

Until next time…

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. (Revelation 1:8)

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Eighteen years ago today my best friend and I married…one man and one woman…as God intended.  These have been eighteen years of what a marriage was meant to be…we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve worked through them.  We’ve loved each other and grown together.  I thank God for my dear husband and look forward to our remaining time together…until death do us part.

Another month managed to slip past since my last post.  Bella, the German Shepherd puppy I got for my birthday last month has all but sapped my energy.  She’s not quite four months old, but she is strong as an ox.  Bella is a good puppy, but she is ALL puppy.  Unfortunately her breeder had already started “aggression training” before I brought her home.  We are now trying to untrain her and teach her the manners that will make her a valuable companion and best friend.  For my purposes she won’t need aggression training.  These pictures were taken at the vet’s office yesterday while we were waiting our turn.

3 and a half months

This one is a little blurry, but it shows how big she has gotten in such a short time…

bella 3 and a half months

Even now I am “forcing” myself to write a blog post.  My sweet friend Pam called me on the phone this past weekend to see if I was okay.  She had not seen me online for a while and just wanted to make sure something was not wrong.  We had a delightful visit, and I now feel closer to her than ever before.  I knew in my heart of hearts she is special and we have much in common, but our phone visit confirmed it.  It is because of her call that I am making the effort to update my blog.  (I appreciate you, Pam.)

While Pam and I were talking we decided to do a one-on-one crazy quilt block swap.  I’ll be making a block for her to embellish and return and vice versa.  I look forward to it and will share my naked block when I get it made.  We decided on an eight inch block.  It has been a while since I did a one on one swap and all my round robins have come full circle except for my blocks returning home, so I am ready and very happy to be doing this swap.  I am still expecting at least one more block I will be angel stitching on,  but I do not have a block in the round robin.  I also have one more one-on-one heart swap heart to finish and then all my commitments will be filled for June…for the summer, for that matter, so I am very glad to have the block swap with Pam to work on.

I have done some crazy quilting stitching since my last post.  Most of it has been on other people’s blocks.  I made my May CQJP block and called it finished although I may return to it and fill in some gaps.  Yellow is not one of my favorite colors and though I enjoyed working on it in spite of that fact, I tired of it and my ideas of what I needed to do next seemed to fizzle out.  I’ve started work on my June block and once finished I’ll revisit the yellow one.  Sometimes all it takes to come up with new ideas is a break.

Here is the May block…the corners are mighty bare.

whole block

A few close ups of detail…

Left upper…

Left top

Left lower…

Left lower

Right upper…

Upper right

Right lower…

Lower right



Because yellow is a favorite color of a very special friend, I made this yellow heart for Steph in a one-on-one heart swap.  She said she is pleased.  I sure hope so.  I enjoyed making it for her.

for Stephanie

I’m going to call this post to an end even though I have more crazy quilting updates to share.  Hopefully I will get back soon and finish what I started.  🙂  My washing machine is making terrible noise, and I really need to check on it.  (Ugh…a new washer is not on my list of things I would love to have, but ours has some years on it so it probably won’t live much longer.)  Bella needs to go outside, and even though it is miserably hot outside I really need to answer her distress call.

But before I go…look how beautiful…

Savannah Debutant

Until next time…

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.  2 Corinthians 5:21

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We know where good intentions are said to lead, but I really had hoped to have a follow-up to my last post written much sooner.  Time has a way of getting away from me…it stands still for no man or woman.  (Historically it did stand still one time.  Does anyone know when?)  April swept past without a single post, and May is half over with only one.  It was my good intention to post pictures of the crazy quilting things of interest from April and pictures of the beautiful blessings of spring around our home very soon after my last post.  I’m crossing my fingers the fruition of this post comes to be quickly.

One thing I wanted to share is the beautiful hearts I received in the past Crazy Quilting for Newbies heart swap.  To say I love them is an understatement.  The first one pictured was created by Beryl.  I adore butterflies and bumblebees.  Beryl’s stitching is lovely.  Her heart won a spot in mine, and I am so glad it’s mine.

Beryl April 2013

The next heart I’m showcasing was created by Stephanie.   I had the pleasure of seeing it in stages as it was created.  It was my heart’s desire for it to be mine, but there was no was I was going to ask Lesa to make it so.  I did ask God.  He even cares about little things like heart swaps.  Yes, He does!  What a wonderful surprise it was when I opened the envelope the day my hearts arrived to find one of the two hearts Stephanie created.  I felt blessed beyond words.  Because Stephanie does not have a blog I want to share the other heart she made.  (I’m sharing without permission with hopes she won’t mind.  Sometimes forgiveness is easier to get than permission…so I will take a chance.  I don’t remember who received  Stephanie’s second, but I know they were as wowed as I was with mine.

Stephanie’s butterfly heart…it’s mine, mine, mine.  🙂  Is it not beyond gorgeous?


Stephanie’s fan heart…Wow!  I understand the fan was constructed of very vintage silk.  Exquisite is the word that comes to mind.


Snowballs in Southeast Mississippi are rare any time of the year, but I made two in April.  These were crazy quilt snowballs from the snowball fight at Crazy Quilting International.  I exchanged snowballs with Kristie and Nicki Lee.  Snowballs are a bit of a challenge for me, because the palette is so small.  Still I take the challenge when it is issued.

I shared the snowball Nicki Lee sent to me in a past post.  It was, as is with all of Nicki’s work, gorgeous.  She requested an under the sea theme (UTS).  What I did turned out okay, but I didn’t feel like it was anything spectacular.  My stash is not very UTS heavy, but I plan on working on that just a bit.

for Nicki Lee (2)

Kristie requested a snowball made from oranges, pinks, turquoise, golds and/or browns.  She left the theme up to the stitcher.  I guess it goes without saying, I went with pinks and a dragonfly.

for Kristie

The April TAT RR I worked on belonged to Linda.  Linda requested a “religious” theme.

Full block with all stitcher’s work to date…

100_4157I added a row of sheaf stitch representing wheat, a row of abstract angels, JOY (which should be in every Christian’s heart) and a row of little church houses.


I also added a pretty floral Venice lace motif and stitching.


Last but not least, I worked on Thearica’s block in the ALL THINGS PRETTY RR at World Wide Crazy Quilting.  After four block rotations I am finally getting into the swing of working on six-inch blocks.  Initially they were a challenge because of the smaller size and the fact that each stitcher in the round robin did one block alone.  Thearica’s blocks are all really sweet.


I think that is a wrap.  Currently I am working on the last block I will work on in the TAT RR.  It belongs to Sue S., and my work should be completed in the next few days.  I am trying a technique new to me and am finding it pretty tough on my fingertips.  (No, I don’t use a thimble.  I lost the only thimble I was able to get used to and have never seen another one like it.  All thimbles are not created equally.)  I’ve had to give them a rest in between stitching sessions.  I’ve also got a couple of World Wide Crazy Quilting Encrusted RR blocks to do angel work on.  My May CQJP block is still unconstructed.  I’ve selected the fabrics, but finding the time to sit at the machine to put the block together hasn’t happened.  In addition, I am mentoring the Color Theory Class at Stitchmap for the first time.  Mentoring is a great way to give back what has been given to you.

Speaking of time and it not happening…my time has been consumed with a new puppy.  Because our other dogs are older, mature dogs, I had forgotten what an enormous demander of time and energy a puppy is.  I do crate train her, so I get a break in between the time she is socializing and exercising to rejuvenate.  Meet Bella the newest member of our family…she is an almost ten week old  German Shepherd.  This picture was taken last Thursday shortly before we left the breeder’s house.  Look at the feet on this puppy!  Today her ears are much more erect than they were when the picture was taken…and there is no doubt she is bigger.  The little stinker weighed 17 1/2 pounds yesterday.  Bella is very smart and though she is quite absent of manners, she is learning quickly.  I believe she will make a fine dog/companion when she’s settled down and has a bit of training under her belt.  AND I plan on surviving the puppy stage.  🙂


Okay, that’s a wrap.  The pretty spring flowers will have to wait until next time.  I might even manage another post before May has slipped past.  🙂

Until next time…

And Jesus answering them began to say,  Take heed lest any man deceive you.  Mark 13:5

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On November 30 th we lost our dear Boxer Maggie.  Papa took all three of our canine kids outside for a walk…a routine morning thing.  Maggie made it to the side of the house, and she fell down.  Because she was unable to get up we carried her into the house and laid her in her favorite chair.  Within minutes she was gone.  Our best guess is she had a heart attack. 

Maggie would have been ten years old on December 23.  She was the boss dog, the oldest of our three.  For the past couple of years she suffered from arthritis, but still, she had good days when she was as active as a puppy.  Maggie was slick.  If we put the trio in the backyard when company was arriving, she slicked back inside before the door shut.  She loved company and was sure they arrived specifically to visit her. 

Maggie lived to play ball. She rarely had anything to do with any other toy.  We buried her favorite ball with her.  It seemed only fitting.  Rarely was she outside without it.

Our hearts were broken by her departure…she was well-loved and is greatly missed.  I still catch myself calling her.  Even with two more dogs, our home seems empty without Maggie.  Emma and Bubba have not been the same since Maggie passed away.  I doubt they understand why she is not here, but no doubt they miss her as much as Papa and I do.

I’ve always hoped all good dogs go to heaven…if so, we’ll see her again someday.

Rest in Peace, Maggie.  You are greatly missed.


Until next time…

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 

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Most people have a great aversion to rats and mice. (I’ve met a few who look upon them fondly…bless their hearts.) For years mankind has attempted to build a better rat trap only to fail in his efforts. The best simply cannot be improved upon. A few weeks ago our calico female bestowed a litter of kittens upon us…a litter of lean, rat-killing machines. Since welcoming a couple of feral felines onto our property we don’t worry about rodents.

Meet the latest generation…

In all truth, this furry little kitten had nothing to do with the demise of the rat. His mother proudly carried it onto the back porch and dropped it. I had to wonder if this was a lesson in “how to earn your keep”. Mama is a beautiful calico cat who disappeared before I captured her with my camera.

There were five beautiful kittens in this litter. Two have been placed in a loving home…three remain with us. Hopefully we will be able to place them in good homes, too.

This little fellow is solid black and has a ferocious hiss…

A wee bit less hissy…I call him “Oreo”.

And “Goldie”…this one will be hard to give a way. It has such a sweet little face.

Just as I finished taking pictures of the kittens another subject showed up on the porch. This guy is our boss hog rooster. Both of our red roosters avoid his wrath.

There is still time to get in on my Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil Giveaway…but not much.  Entries must be in by midnight.  The winner will be announced tomorrow.  That unnamed person is in for a real treat!

Until next time…

Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him. Deuteronomy 13:4

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Finally I am feeling better (yea!!!), and I’ve actually earned a long tea break.  Energy has been on the slack side for over a week, but this morning I woke up determined to feel better.  Sometimes the mindset is half the battle…I’m hoping this is one of those times, because I am tired of being sick.

Over the past couple days I’ve mulled over in my mind an apron I am making for my horse-loving granddaughter.  This morning I started stitching it.  The body of the apron is a re-purposed blue jean leg and the accent fabric is a sweet remnant of “You Go Girl” by Dawn of Sun Valley I picked up one afternoon when she and I stopped by my favorite sewing shop.  The pocket is not sewn on crooked…but it sure looks that way in the picture.  Somethings are puzzling and that’s one.  I think she’ll be thrilled.

After taking my dear husband his lunch and a thermos of fresh black Irish Breakfast tea, I came home and filled my clotheslines with laundry to dry in the sunny breeze.  Now it’s time to treat myself to a cup of hot Zen tea and a movie.  Bubba and I are going to kick back on the couch and watch “Bright Star”.  It’s a newly released movie I’ve wanted to see.  Thanks to Netflix it was in my mailbox when I got home.  I’ll sit and knit and relax…what a perfect way to spend tea time.

Here is the the stocking stitch scarf I made that curls…the green piece is all knit stitch and so far is behaving itself.  Both Heather and Kimmie suggested adding a crocheted border to see if that helps it lay flat…if not I’ll use it anyway and prize it for my first ever completed knitting project.  First of many, I hope.  (The picture shows the curl and fringe.  I didn’t have a model so it really doesn’t look too scarfy.

For more Tea on Tuesday visit Kimmie at Art In Red Wagons.  I’m going to make my rounds as soon as I finish watching Bright Star.  🙂

Until next time…

You can spend your time, waste your time, or invest your time. It’s your choice.  ~ unknown ~

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A new camera has been on my wish-list for quite some time.  My old one would not hold a charge, and it let me down at the most inconvenient times.  My DB ordered a Kodak Easy Share from Dell and to his surprise, they sent him two.  (They billed him for two, also.)  Instead of returning the extra, he sold it to me.  (I have my DH to thank for that.  Me buying it was his idea.)  Though an Easy Share is not my ideal wish camera, it is worlds more dependable than the one I was using and way more within our budget than the one I dream of having, and I’m thankful for it. Because I have “a new toy”, I’ve taken lots of pictures over the past couple weeks, so it’s time to share.

Our last visit to Mom and Dad’s house supplied several subjects…both willing and NOT.

Here’s my dad expressing his opinion of my photography zeal…(He was feeling pretty good that day, and his sense of humor was working well.)


My mom always enjoys having her grands around…she tolerates us “kids” pretty well, too.  🙂  Cameras pointed in her direction is not one of her favorite things, but she was a good sport.


Baby brother…he made my new camera fun possible.


Taking time out for a smooch…baby brother and his lovely wife.  (Doncha know that tickles?!)

little smooch

Nephew…the Big Cheese of the day.  We’re so proud of him.  He’s a USAF meteorologist.  We’re fortunate he’s on TDY about an hour from home attending a school before heading for Turkey…his new duty station.


Great-nephew…isn’t he handsome?  He’s got that “say cheese” thing down pat already.  Of course, he does.  He’s a chunk off the Big Cheese of the day.


Safe and secure…Big Cheese’s baby girl.  Daddy is her first love.

that's love

Save me, Pop.  She does not like cameras pointing in her direction and will go to great lengths to avoid being caught.  Pop wasn’t quite the blockade she had hoped for.  I wish I were as photogenic…maybe when I was her age.


My true love…


Papa and the “kids”…frozen in time.


I’ve got many more to share, but my time has run out for now.  I really need to get to work around here.

Until next time…

Every problem is an opportunity to trust God.  ~ unknown ~

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The past couple days have been rainy in Mississippi.  The weather has not been fit for man nor beast.  Our poor dogs were stir crazy and the chickens spent the better part of forty-eight hours in their coop.  This morning the sun came out and our critters rejoiced.  When I got back from town this afternoon I let our pooches romp.  To say they had a blast doesn’t really cover it.  Our field was still under water, and they took full advantage of it.






The chickens had a grand ole time, too…


And look how happy my little kitchen garden is…



Until next time…

Gardening is a way of showing you believe in tomorrow.  ~ unknown ~

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